NOTE: Today was NOT a good day. With the Germany trip coming, I woke up with the early warning signs of a looming anxiety attack. I used to get full blown attacks frequently, although in the last couple of years they've settled back to just a couple each year. But it's still one of the most frustrating experiences - rationally I know there is absolutely no reason to be freaking out but my brain and body don't seem to get that message. When an attack hits with full steam, I'm basically useless; I have a very strong physical reaction that leaves me shaking in a heap, wanting to crawl out of my own skin. It's really hard to explain to people what it's like and how little control I have over what's happening to me when it hits. And given my personality, that lack of control tends to cycle through and make things worse, because there's nothing I hate more than not being in control. Anyway, I've been able to avoid a full attack so far today, but when I hit the gym (hoping a workout would help things pass) I was right on the verge and definitely struggling.
A. Back Squat @22X1; 2.2.2 reps; rest 30s/2:30 x 3 sets *Start at 180lbs and try to build each set*
Managed to get the first set done @ 180, then the first 2 reps @ 185 but then it was downhill - I racked the bar for the next two and felt like it was going to drive me into the ground, I was shaking and fighting back tears. It's just the way this anxiety thing goes, and I knew trying to force the reps would risk adding another stressor on top of everything. So I stopped, regrouped, and did the last two sets @ 165 - I figured good solid form and tempo reps were better than forcing the weight.
A. Back Squat @22X1; 2.2.2 reps; rest 30s/2:30 x 3 sets *Start at 180lbs and try to build each set*
Managed to get the first set done @ 180, then the first 2 reps @ 185 but then it was downhill - I racked the bar for the next two and felt like it was going to drive me into the ground, I was shaking and fighting back tears. It's just the way this anxiety thing goes, and I knew trying to force the reps would risk adding another stressor on top of everything. So I stopped, regrouped, and did the last two sets @ 165 - I figured good solid form and tempo reps were better than forcing the weight.
B1. Med ball hamstring curls; 10-12 reps; rest 30s
B2. Fire hydrants right; 30s of movement; rest 30s
B3. Walking lunges - db's if possible - no hip pain or stop; 14-16 alt reps; rest 30s
B4. Monster walk backwards; 30s; rest 30s
B5. Fire hydrants left; 30s of movement; rest 90s x 3 sets
B3 = 25lb DBs. This actually went well, and I think helped me regain emotional control. It was kind of meditative and while I still focused on keeping good form through everything, I was able to zone out a bit and just focus on movements I knew I could do without any stress.
B3 = 25lb DBs. This actually went well, and I think helped me regain emotional control. It was kind of meditative and while I still focused on keeping good form through everything, I was able to zone out a bit and just focus on movements I knew I could do without any stress.
C. 20 Minute EMOM:
1st: 10 DB thrusters 30-35lbs
2nd: AB 40s @ 85%
3rd: 10 Russian KBS 70lbs
4th: Row 40s @ 85%
I was feeling better but fatigued (because my anxiety manifests so physically - I twitch and fidget and shake and generally feel like ripping my skin off - it makes me very tired). I got through this - thrusters @ 35lb, but the AB and row were probably more like 75% vs. 85% effort. Or perhaps the better way to put it is that TODAY'S 85% was more like 70-75% on a normal day.
I was feeling better but fatigued (because my anxiety manifests so physically - I twitch and fidget and shake and generally feel like ripping my skin off - it makes me very tired). I got through this - thrusters @ 35lb, but the AB and row were probably more like 75% vs. 85% effort. Or perhaps the better way to put it is that TODAY'S 85% was more like 70-75% on a normal day.
D. 20 Minute mobility
Done and done.
OVERALL: Sometimes, just getting the work done has to be good enough, and today was one of those days. The good news is that while I'm still feeling a bit jittery, the acute anxiety seems to have passed so getting a workout in did its job. Usually once a day like this passes, I'm good to go so tomorrow AM should be ok before I hit the long flights.
Done and done.
OVERALL: Sometimes, just getting the work done has to be good enough, and today was one of those days. The good news is that while I'm still feeling a bit jittery, the acute anxiety seems to have passed so getting a workout in did its job. Usually once a day like this passes, I'm good to go so tomorrow AM should be ok before I hit the long flights.
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